Hi Cris,
As for being with your friend, she needs you now. It would be highly beneficial and healing for you to do something different in order to gain more balance to your life.
As far as the man you love goes, I have a story for you. Yes, just for you.
When I was a freshman in college, my roommate fixed me up with a friend of hers over New Years' weekend because he was going to be shipped out to Vietnam the following week. Naturally, it was a blind date, a so-so night topped off with in invitation for the next night's New Year's Eve bash at his cousin's house. I went, had fun, came home and left for college on Sunday, having no feelings whatsoever about the weekend beyond having had a good time.
When I got to the dorm, he was waiting for me, taking me into his arms in a huge bear hug that took my breath away. When he returned home, we talked on the phone for hours, and then he left for Vietnam on that following Tuesday. We exchanged addresses, and sure enough, a week later, my mailbox was full of his letters.
In the first letter, he told me all about his plans for the future, how he'd changed his life insurance to name me his heir, bought a car for me in his hometown, how we'd be married when he came home. . . and I freaked out. I had not been away from home for six months, and here was this stranger planning my life for me. To him, we were engaged.
Immediately, I wrote him back telling him I was not ready, at all, to be married to someone I did not even know. Writing to a soldier was one thing, but marriage? Needless to say, I kept dating and writing to him, never suspecting this situation would turn out to be the most haunting of my entire life.
Not a day passed that I did not receive a letter. He must have written every day and on some days, wrote more than once. Gradually, so gradually that I did not realize what was happening, I began to fall in love with this man I did not know except through his letters.
Six weeks after receiving his first letter, I had my very first vision. There was the jungle, and he'd been wounded. In the vision, he leaned down and kissed me on the forehead, telling me not to worry. He would return safe and sound. Ten days later, I got a letter from the red cross unit where he was in hospital, recovering from wounds received from shrapnel. He had been behind the guy who stepped on a claymore.
When he found out I'd been dating other guys, he made a conscious decision to use heroin and all sorts of drugs available to the soldiers in Vietnam, blaming me for his addiction to one and all. When he came home on leave for R&R, he shot up in front of me, his brothers and friends. We were all in shock, never having seen such a thing.
He never officially broke up with me. Instead, he would keep tabs on where I moved and visit me, out of the blue, after not having seen or heard from him in months or years, at times. He stayed in my life for 10 years, and I never had one dream about him during all those years.
I tried everything to get in touch with him again and once succeeded in letting him know that I always loved him. At that, his whole demeanor changed, and the craziness of being married to someone neither of us loved (did we do it out of spite?) was overwhelming. Helplessly, I could only clear the air by explaining that middle of the night phone calls when he is drunk do not count as real communication. Unannounced visits only left me shocked and too numb to think coherently, and trying to explain my feelings an impossible task to someone whose sole interest in life was in getting high. What proof had I that he cared about me?
Twenty-five years later, in June, 2006, my mother casually informed me that BD had died six months earlier. By then, I was going through a very emotionally draining marriage on the rocks and trying to find a lawyer when my mother told me of his death. Shock waves of horrified anger flowed through me at the outright betrayal by my own mother, who knew better than anyone how I felt about BD.
Thirty-five years later, by chance, I happened upon his death certificate, which gave me all of the answers to questions I had not spoken aloud. Not long afterward, I had a dream about him.
In the dream, I entered through a door opened by his mother, and in shocked surprise found myself in her living room with all of her son's medals and framed newspaper articles, trophies, books and every award he had ever earned in life. She then showed me my wedding trousseau, and told me how he had set it all up to surprise me. There, in that small, plain room was the gown of my dreams, complete with flowing train, lace and pearls.
With his mother, stunned astonishment robbed me of speech, but the moment he appeared, it was as if he had never been away. He looked the way I liked best with the blond streaks in his long hair and the gap-toothed grin under his sparse mustache lighting up his face with happiness.
In the dream, we talked for hours. He told me of all the things I would encounter in my life and how I would fare, and he wanted to protect me from future pain. He wanted us to have a spiritual marriage in heaven, showing me all that he had discovered and how beautiful an after-life could be with the right person. He showed me how to "redecorate" my "world" and gave me tours of all he discovered. He was like a child with a new toy, and while I followed him, I kept repeating, "But I'm not dead, yet!"
As much as I loved him, I could not turn my back on life. No matter how it turned out, he did not have the right to take it away from me, even if it meant allowing me to suffer in my life as a live human being. "I must be allowed to live out my days," I told him. "I will always love you. No one can take that away from me." To that, he replied, "I will be waiting."
Then, I woke up and wrote it all down. I had no doubt, at all, that this dream was a message.
So, Cris, no matter how you may suffer now, you should follow your instincts. Let this man you love know and understand how much you love him and how you feel. Even if things don't seem to work out right away, God knows our hearts and will never let us down. Our prayers ARE answered, just not when it is very convenient for us.
These once-in-a-lifetime loves are like miracles when questions are answered and provided in such a way that you have no doubt if things had been different, the two of us would have been together. With my love, I was blessed with visions and clairsentience. That was the beginning for me. How it will all end--only God really knows.
